


What Dreams May Come

by Chibiobiwan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Shifting, Death is only the beginning, Except when its really not, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, Force Ghost Qui-Gon Jinn, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutually unrequited love, Obvious Qui-Gon, Old Ben Kenobi, Sequential from a certain point of view, Slow Burn, Time is inconsequential, Warning: Circular Paradox inbound, Way of the Whills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-18 11:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19333462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibiobiwan/pseuds/Chibiobiwan
Summary: After Qui-Gon's death on Naboo, he begins his journey through the afterlife searching for a way back to Obi-Wan. Along the way, he meets a familiar man who can help him learn the Way of the Whills, but sometimes what you are looking for is right in front of you.





	1. Searching for the truth is easy, accepting it is hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by the movie "What Dreams May Come" 1998. There are some time-shenanigans since in the afterlife time is inconsequential but I try and keep it as sequential from Qui-Gon's point of view as I can. The story is primarily about how Qui-Gon learned to "maintain consciousness" in the living force after death but also Obi-Wan finding the happiness he needs to truly live on.

 

 

 

_“Please, don’t leave me.”_

Those were the last words Qui-Gon heard before he died.

Once, the Jedi Order believed that consciousness went on after death. However, after the Enlightenment, the Jedi’s understanding of the Force became clear—there was an essence of what made up a person—similar to a soul but, like any energy, it dissipated and scattered into the Force after death. 

By returning to the force, there was, perhaps, a _form_ of life after death but no sense of individuality, no sense of past or future. No sense of love.

Death was the end.

The Jedi couldn’t have been more wrong.

 

* * *

 

Dying, as it turned out, was more like waking up than falling asleep. 

The pain that had spread through his chest disappeared like a distant memory, and the reality that replaced it felt so much more vivid than anything he had felt before. His connection to the Force now felt like a tapestry when compared to the thin thread it once was. He could feel everything—the past, the future, beings all across the universe, and more. People who had once been lost to him were now within reach. There was no death, only the Force. 

For a moment Qui-Gon laughed, younger, now that he was not encased within the trappings of physicality. Around him reality was condensing, the sky above him a beautiful clear blue. Qui-Gon sat up, enjoying the feeling of moss beneath his palms, ferns and purple flora swayed in a soft breeze around him. There was something so familiar about it all. 

Slowly, Qui-Gon got to his feet and walked towards the river he had already known was there. It sparkled in the sun, the water clear to the bottom. He had only been to the River of Light once before, but it resonated as one of the most beautiful places he had ever seen. Qui-Gon began walking along its shore, allowing himself to feel peace after the turmoil of the fight—

Qui-Gon abruptly remembered the moments before his death. 

Obi-wan.

_Don’t leave me._

The peace shattered around him. He reached out, but the bond that had once connected them was severed. He shuddered at the loss and withdrew into himself. He could feel so many souls in the force, but his Padawan was distant and blurred.

He needed to find Obi-wan. He needed to go back.

Reaching Obi-wan would be like trying to fall asleep and return to a dream. Still he knew there must be a way. He instinctively knew that what he was seeing and feeling was not part of any physical realm, but something much more.Still he knew there must be a way. Surely if consciousness was _maintained_ , then the stories of Jedi being able to return were true as well. Qui-Gon continued along the river bank, feeling that with every step he was getting closer. 

The river gradually began to widen and became unrecognizable from his memories. In the distance he could hear the roar of water falling. As Qui-Gon continued on, the sound grew louder until it became almost deafening at cliffs where the river plummeted down in a huge waterfall, falling far below into a pool surrounded by a plain of wildflowers. The mist from the turmoil felt cool against his skin as he stood at the edge, water lapping at his feet. 

He looked into the distance, to where the river once again cascaded down, this time into the sea. On the far edge of the seaside cliff, there stood a golden city, reminiscent of Theed. It was breathtaking, and for an instant Qui-Gon wished he could share the sight with Obi-wan.

No. Not yet, his Obi-wan still had his whole life to live. Qui-Gon eyed the cliff before him, analyzing his path down before he caught himself, if he was already dead then what was the worst that could happen? 

He jumped.

In life, he would have used the Force to slow his fall, but such an act would still have been incredibly dangerous. In death, he felt the Force surge to answer him instantly, making Qui-Gon feel weightless. For a moment he thought he might even be able to fly. 

The strangeness of the thought broke his focus and he began to feel the pull of gravity once again. He hit the ground much harder than he would have liked, but the expected burst of pain never occurred. Qui-Gon let out a laugh. If Obi-wan could see him now, no doubt he would have made a coy remark about how similar his landing had been to a Holonet hero making a landing. 

Obi-wan…

Qui-Gon wished desperately that he had been faster, that he could have done more. He had left Obi-wan with the burden of Anakin’s training, but it was impossible to know if the C+ouncil would actually allow Obi-wan to do so. If Obi-wan was left completely on his own…

Qui-Gon ran through the field, not bothering to take in the sights around him. He needed to hurry.

As he got closer to the city, Qui-Gon saw beings for the first time. Everyone he saw seemed to be happy, smiling brightly as they walked along the bright streets.  Qui-Gon heard laughter from above him. Looking up, he couldn’t help but break into a smile of his own. He had been right about flight after all. Children laughed as they soared through the air, twirling and flipping about as they played. They waved at Qui-Gon with large grins as he passed. 

Qui-Gon began to slow despite himself as he neared a young woman painting a mural of a garden. He watched with amazement as, with one last stroke, the garden sprang to life and she stepped onto the grass that had once flowed from her brush.  

All around him spirits, bright with joy, meandered hand in hand through the streets and occasionally into the air. Others changed and molded their surroundings with ease, creating beautiful works of art or technological marvels. Each new sight was more wondrous than the last. The city seemed only limited by its inhabitant’s imagination.

Qui-Gon contemplated the world around him. Was it possible to mold reality to your whims so easily here? Or perhaps it was just an illusion of the mind.

Obi-Wan truly would have loved this place.

The joy Qui-Gon had felt at the sight once again flickered. He had left his Padawan behind. Perhaps someone here could show him how to return.

Qui-Gon looked about him more carefully, looking for the right path within the Force.

It was only then that he saw the alley.

Between the sweeping architecture of a city that was continuously being re-created anew, there was a hollow. It was not dark, nothing in this city of dreams could have been, but there was something empty there. Qui-Gon knew it was the path he needed to take.

It was like stepping into a shadow after being in the light of the sun. A chill fell over Qui-Gon, and, as he continued down the path, the alley showed signs of age and disrepair. How could such a place exist within a city that radiated such happiness? The shadows around him deepened as if it were night, and even the air became tainted. 

Ahead of him, the alley once again changed, moving like a twisted mirror of the city he had come from. Qui-Gon hesitated, sensing that whatever was at the end of the path was something to be avoided. Turning, he saw a break in the wall that hadn’t been there before and he picked up his pace, hoping to see the light at the end of the strange alley.

He didn’t see what tripped him, but he heard it grunt in pain as he stumbled and caught himself.

Qui-Gon looked behind him to see what he had thought was a shadow or pile of debris was, in fact, a person.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you. Are you alright?” Qui-Gon knelt before the hooded figure and offered his hand. No one should have to stay here, especially not when there was so much life so near.

A gnarled hand met his own, but only to gently pat it away.

“Don’t worry about me. You shouldn’t have come here- go on, the other side isn’t far from here.”

The faceless voice was sophisticated but weary and, somehow, achingly familiar.

“Come with me.” The words were spoken before Qui-Gon had even fully thought them.

For the first time, the hooded figure looked up from where he was huddled. The hood of his cloak formed a shadow over his face, but Qui-Gon could see a white bearded chin and a pained smile.

“Why should I?” The man stared up expectantly.

The question was simple, but the answer complex. Qui-Gon responded instead with an inquiry of his own, as he had so often done with his Padawan.

“Who are you? You seem familiar.”

The gnarled hand reached up and pulled off the hood, revealing glass-cut eyes and world-worn features. A half smile pulled at man’s aged skin. 

“I think you would know as much as I.” The man’s eyes searched his own for recognition.

There was none.

“No…” Qui-Gon said reluctantly. “I don’t know you.”

The man’s smile slid away. “Ah.” His eyes studied Qui-Gon’s. “I see.” A heavy sigh swept through the man, and somehow he shrank before Qui-Gon’s eyes.

“You should go,” the old man murmured quietly.

The shadows of the alley grew colder and mixed with the cloak covering the old man. Qui-Gon was afraid that if he were to turn around that the shadows would completely overtake the man, leaving only an empty alley behind.

“Only if you come with me.” Qui-Gon stated stubbornly.

Tired eyes met his own once more.

This time the question went unasked. _Why?_

“Please.” Qui-Gon outstretched his hand once more, and to Qui-Gon’s relief, it was accepted. 

The other man’s skin was soft like worn leather, delicate under Qui-Gon’s touch. He was careful as he helped the old man to his feet, and then, not letting go of the old man’s hand, they continued down the alley. The rumble of crumbling brick echoed behind them. Qui-Gon tightened his grip, glancing over his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, they are attracted to you like a moth to flame, but they cannot hurt you.”

“What about you?”

The old man shook his head with a dry chuckle, “They could not touch me.”

Somehow, that was not reassuring.

They came to a fork in the alley, ash and dust floating in the air, limiting visibility. The old man paused waiting for Qui-Gon to choose their path.

“This way,” Qui-Gon said quietly, not wishing to draw attention anymore then they already had. He could feel the prickle of eyes on his back. “What is your name?” He asked even as he wished they could run.

The old man was silent for a moment before answering, “You can call me Ben.”

“Ben?” Qui-Gon asked, the name sparking recognition before fading away, “I did know you, didn’t I?”

Ben didn’t answer right away, “Perhaps once, but time changes us all.” He eyed Qui-Gon with a sad quirk of his lips. “Some more, or less, than others.”

Qui-Gon frowned in thought. He couldn’t help but feel that Ben was important, but no matter how hard he tried to remember he couldn’t recall the old man.

An inhuman growl echoed along the path jolting Qui-Gon from his thoughts. Alarmed, Qui-Gon stopped in his tracks, ready to defend them both.

“In this realm, you must want to return to the light to leave this place.” Ben said quietly. “Focus, Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon glanced at Ben with confusion, but did as he said. Only feet away he saw a path that he hadn’t noticed before, and at the end of it, the light of the road.

Ben smiled, “You always did learn quickly.”

The faint growling was getting closer and Qui-Gon hurriedly pulled Ben along the new path despite his disconcertion. Ben knew his name. Why didn’t Qui-Gon remember him?

With each step they took along the new path, the shadows faded until, finally, they stepped out into the light.

Qui-Gon smiled with relief as he turned to Ben, only to realize something was terribly wrong.

While the other souls around them were as substantial as they had been in life, the old man was somehow faded, like a shadow in the sunlight.

Qui-Gon tightened his grip on Ben’s hand, even as he realized why the man had wished to stay where he was. The robe that covered Ben was as solid as everything else around them, but the shadows of the alley had hidden the transparency of his soul. 

A hitch in Qui-Gon’s breath alerted the old man to his shock, causing a weak smile spread on the man’s face. “Ah, you see now? I don’t belong here.” Ben said kindly as he gestured to the souls passing by, their joy in direct contrast to the sorrow that lingered in the man’s footsteps.

“What’s happening to you?” Qui-Gon implored, grabbing Ben by his shoulders which felt too thin and cold under his hands. The old man seemed not to care, only looking at him sadly.

He needed help. Qui-Gon needed—

Amongst the souls passing by Qui-Gon spotted a girl, no, a young woman.

He knew her.

“Tahl?”

She smiled and came forward. “Hello, Qui-Gon.” She turned to the old man, her smile turning sad. “Hello, young one.”

It was an incredibly strange thing to call Ben, particularly when Tahl looked as though she was only in her twenties, at most. The old man seemed to share the sentiment and simply looked doubtfully at Tahl.

Tahl wasn’t bothered however and pulled Qui-Gon into a hug. “It’s good to see you again, Qui-Gon.”

“Likewise.” He couldn’t help but look at her in surprise, “You look different from the last time I saw you.” The memory of her death flashed in his mind, but the sorrow that would have lingered in life lasted only a moment. Tahl’s eyes were bright and clear once more, and the present was so much more real than the past.

“You will find, Qui-Gon, that appearances can be deceiving, just as they reveal the truth.” Tahl glanced at the old man as she said it, her expression growing worried. “He is fading.”

Ben raised the hood of his cloak which helped disguise his transparency, but Qui-Gon felt his heart sink. “You mean he’ll get worse?”

“After death, our focus determines our reality,” Tahl explained softly, “But not all of us want to—” She hesitated and looked at the old man. “Not all of us wish to retain who they are. He’s letting go.” She gently touched Qui-Gon’s arm, but he jerked away.

“No.” The word was as much command as a response. If Qui-Gon could control his reality, then he wouldn’t let this happen. Ben was too important, he could feel that at least.

He turned to Ben, grabbing a hold of the man’s arm. “Stay with me.”

The old man looked up at Qui-Gon wearily. “I’m afraid it’s not so simple, my old friend.”

“What do you mean?” Qui-Gon asked imploringly.

“You can’t force him to stay, Qui-Gon.” Tahl interrupted, worry plain on her features. “He doesn’t have long, but there may be a way you can help.”

Qui-Gon felt his hopes fall and then rise within a split second, “What can I do?”

“I’ll try to explain. You better come with me. It’s difficult for him to be in this place for long.” 

Of course, why else would have Ben chosen to be in the shadows? Qui-Gon could feel that he hadn’t belonged there, but the man had wanted to stay all the same.

Tahl led them away further down the street until she spotted a small engraved wooden door. “This should work.”

She pulled an antique key from her robes and turned it in the lock. “You may want to duck, Qui-Gon.” She looked back with a smile as she slipped through. Qui-Gon good naturedly did so, bringing Ben along with him. The shaded courtyard they entered brought a sigh of relief from Ben, sending a shot of guilt through Qui-Gon. The golden city had been beautiful, but burned too brightly for his friend.

“Tahl, what is this place?” It felt familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it.

“It’s what I imagine my home to be.” Tahl said with the quirk of her lips, and now Qui-Gon recognized the faint influences of the temple on the courtyard, but most of all, it resonated of Tahl.

“You created this?” Qui-Gon asked wonderingly. The sky had been bright with midday sun where they had come from, but now had the gentle hues of sunset, oranges and reds streaking through the clouds. Still, however, Ben did not lower his hood.

“In a way yes, but you are thinking too literally. Thought is real, physical is only an illusion.” She looked at Ben with concern, “You should sit down.” She gestured towards a small lounge connected to the courtyard, shaded from even the light of the sunset.

Ben gently pulled away from Qui-Gon and sat down as though he truly ached of old age even in death.

“Are you alright?” Qui-Gon questioned hovering nearby.

“As well as can be expected.” Ben said dryly, but patted Qui-Gon’s arm reassuringly, “It’s not so bad you know.”

Qui-Gon caught Tahl’s look of dismay, clearly not holding the same opinion.

“You said that I may be able to help?” Qui-Gon addressed Tahl, needing to focus on what he could do.

“Maybe.” Tahl said her voice unsure, she moved away keeping Ben in their sight but so they could speak together. “He has lost his focus, his purpose, and so he is slipping away. He needs something else, something more.” She was looking at him like he had the answers, but Qui-Gon only felt helpless.

“I don’t even know him.” Qui-Gon confessed, folding his arms in front of him.

Tahl’s brows furrowed as she glanced between them rapidly, “But… how did you find him?”

“I was trying to find a way back to Obi-wan.” 

Tahl’s eyes widened, “Oh, Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon knew that tone. “I never thought that life would truly continue on in the Force, but I was _wrong_ Tahl. We all were. The old tales of the Jedi were true after all, which means there must be a way back.”

Tahl shook her head, “Qui-Gon, you’re talking about looking back when we are meant to move forward.” She glanced towards Ben, “You were always focused on the present in life, that’s what you need to do now.”

Qui-Gon frowned, returning to Obi-Wan as soon as possible was his present, but looking at Ben sparked an idea. Quickly he returned to where the old man was sitting, Tahl following in his footsteps.

 “I need to learn how to go back.” Qui-Gon didn’t understand why Ben would be able to help him, but the Force had definitely lead Qui-Gon to him. Every instinct Qui-Gon had said that Ben was the answer he had been looking for. Perhaps equally importantly, the path back to Obi-wan could give Ben the purpose he needed to persist.

“There’s no such thing as going back, only forward.” The old man said wryly, sparking irritation in Qui-Gon. The phrase was annoyingly familiar.

“You don’t understand, I left him behind. My Padawan, Obi-Wan needs me. I need to learn how to return to him.”

“Qui-Gon.” Tahl cautioned.

The old man was silent, looking at Qui-Gon with startled eyes before finally speaking, “To return, you would have to give up your reason for doing so. The way of the Whills is not what you think.”

Qui-Gon brushed aside the warning, latching on to the hint of knowledge. “So you _do_ know how to return to the realm of the living?” He had known that he met the old man for a reason.

“I do…” The old man admitted, his expression perplexed.

“This is foolish, Qui-Gon.” Tahl spoke up, “We are not meant to continue in the Living Force once we have passed on.”

“I cannot believe that. Surely, if we are one with the Force, we should continue to help guide those apart of the Living Force.”

“If the living allow the Force to guide them, in a way, we already do.” Tahl said softly, “We are all part of the Cosmic Force which is connected to the Unifying. You cannot wish to haunt the living, Qui-Gon.”

Qui-Gon flinched, he did not wish to hurt Obi-Wan any more than he already had with his death. Still, he would not give up so easily. “No, but surely, there is a way.” He turned back to the old man, “You mentioned the way of the Whills, is that how you can connect with the living? Will you teach me?”

“I cannot.” The old man said gently, crushing Qui-Gon’s hopes before continuing, “But... I will show you the way.”

“You should not.” Tahl protested, her dismay shifting from Qui-Gon to Ben.

The old man smiled wryly, “I’m afraid I may already have.” The old man folded his arms into his cloak and Qui-Gon noted with some relief that Ben had lost some of his transparency. His plan was working already.

Tahl frowned deeply with apprehension, “Qui-Gon, think a moment before diving in head first. I’ve heard of those who try to return to life as it was, getting caught in a cycle of reliving their memories until they fade away.” She looked pointedly at Ben. “I do not know what the ways of the Whills are, but you risk everything to follow that path.”

Qui-Gon inwardly bucked at the warning, but Ben spoke before he could say anything.

“She’s right, you know. There is a very real danger of losing yourself. It is not a path to tread lightly.”

“Is that why you are fading now?” Qui-Gon challenged.

Ben tilted his head, “In a sense, yes, I had to let go of everything that held me to life so I could live, and then when I finished what I set out to do, I had nothing left.” Ben’s eyes on him were piercing. “Or so I thought.” A strange smile quirked at the corner of his lips.

“Will I be able to reach Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon would face the abyss itself for his padawan.

Tahl huffed with frustration, even as Ben’s eyes crinkled at the edges. “I believe so.”

“Then I want to do this.” Qui-Gon said firmly. 

“You always were an old fool.” Tahl sighed not unkindly, clearly knowing a lost fight when she saw one. She glanced between them, no doubt noticing that Ben had lost much of his transparency. “Perhaps it's for the best…just take care of your friend, Qui-Gon. He needs you as much as you need him.” 

She pulled Qui-Gon down to give him a kiss on the cheek before reaching to do the same to Ben. Much to their mutual horror, her touch past through Ben like a ghost.

The good humor disappeared from Ben’s face. “I’m sorry.”

Tahl pulled her hand back stung, but understanding, “It’s not your fault.” She recouped quickly “Just... don’t let Qui-Gon get into too much trouble.”

Her words startled a laugh from Ben, his steel eyes shining with mixed emotions, “I will try my best.”

Qui-Gon, still stunned, reached out to grasp Ben’s hand, needing to reassure himself that, he at least, still could. Ben’s hand felt warm and firm in his. Real.

Ben glanced at him with a self-deprecating smile even as Tahl shook her head. For a moment in the soft light of the sunset, Qui-Gon thought that he could see auburn in Ben’s hair.

“May the Force be with you—you’ll definitely need it,” Tahl interrupted Qui-Gon’s thought. 

“Thank you.” Qui-Gon said shaking himself from his reverie, before turning back to Ben. “Where do we begin?”

“In a way, we already have,” Ben said moving away.

Tahl sighed and walked with them back to the entrance. 

“If you need anything, just think of me.” Tahl said just before Qui-Gon left through the same small courtyard door they had entered by. “The Force connects us all and I’ll find you, or you’ll find me.”

“I will,” Qui-Gon said with a smile. “Thank you again Tahl… and I’m sorry for not getting there sooner,” he couldn’t help but add.

Tahl shook her head with a smile, “And here I thought you knew better, there is nothing for you to apologize for.” She glanced to Ben who was just on the other side of the door. “Not to me at least.”

Qui-Gon felt a wave of disconcertion at her words. “What do you mean?” He did not enjoy being in the dark.

“You’ll know when you’re both ready. Remember your reality is what you make it.” Tahl stared at him intently trying to say something without words.

“Are you ready?” Ben asked

“Yes-” Qui-Gon quickly replied. “Goodbye, Tahl.”

“Goodbye, Qui-Gon”

 


	2. Who a person truly is cannot be seen with the eye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon must leave the safe harbor of the Cosmic Force and journey to where the current of the Living Force flows.

 

 

Qui-Gon stepped through the threshold and onto a dimly lit road. It wasn’t the shadowed alleys where he had found Ben, but simply night in the city by the sea. Lanterns hung along the street every dozen feet and, despite the darkness, there were couples out for romantic strolls. Strangely, the two of them fit in seamlessly, and Qui-Gon had no urge to let go of Ben’s hand. 

He was grateful to note that despite returning to the city, Ben seemed to be alright; the onset of night in the shining city, no doubt, helping. 

“This way, I think,” Ben said quietly, lightly leading Qui-Gon down the road.

“Why couldn’t Tahl touch you?” Qui-Gon asked as they turned a corner.

Ben was silent for a moment before answering, “Not many can.” He glanced at their clasped hands. “In truth, I wasn’t sure even you would be able to.”

“We have a connection in the Force,” Qui-Gon stated, feeling it to be the truth.

Ben bowed his head in acknowledgment.

“You won’t tell me why?” Qui-Gon proded, wishing to understand.

Ben looked at the ground, “You found me when no one else could. There may be many reasons why, but for now it’s because I can help you.”

“And I can help you.”

Ben glanced up, “Perhaps, and that is enough.”

Qui-Gon couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t. “I don’t understand why I can’t remember you.”

Ben took his time before he answered, “You control your reality in the afterlife, if you are not ready to remember, you won’t.”

“How can I be ready if I don’t remember?”

“It is a good question.”

“And yet, you don’t answer.”

“Some questions you have to answer for yourself,” Ben said faintly as they reached the end of the road where it branched off along the edge of the city. He steered them to the right so that they were walking alongside the cliff that dropped off into the ocean below.

Qui-Gon let out a growl of annoyance, knowing circumvention all too well, “I used to say that to my Padawan.”

A twitch tugged at the corner of Ben’s lips, “No doubt he remembers it well.” 

Qui-Gon shook his head in exasperation, “You must have been a Jedi in life. You certainly act like it.”

Ben didn’t answer right away, but his hand slipped through Qui-Gon’s like water.

“Yes… Yes, I was.” The words ached.

Qui-Gon hadn’t meant to hurt Ben with his curiosity. “And what are you now?”

Ben looked up startled, “Now?” He appeared bemused by the question, “I suppose I’m a Shaman of the Whills.”

Qui-Gon considered the term, “One who crosses the boundary between the living and the dead.”

Ben nodded as he began walking down a long stairway that ran along the cliffs of the city. Qui-Gon hurried to keep up.

“Yes, I suppose a spirit guide of sorts.”

“Have you guided others along this way before?”

Ben shook his head, “No, but there are others, though they are few and far between. They will likely test you along the way.”

“They guard the path?” Qui-Gon asked with furrowed brows.

“From a certain point of view, they are the guardians of it, but without them I’m not certain anyone would be able to travel it in the first place.”

Qui-Gon thought over what Ben explained, “You speak as though they have always been.”

“In a sense, they have,” Ben replied glancing at Qui-Gon as they neared the bottom of the stairs, the scent of salt water heavy in the air. “If they ever lived, I don’t know if they remember it. Most souls tire of solace and wish to rejoin the Living Force after a time. They have no desire to do so.”

Ben paused as they reached the bottom of the stairs, looking out towards the docks. “I believe that is for us.” He nodded towards a small boat roped to a post. 

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow, “We are sailing?” It was somehow not how he imagined the path.

Ben nodded, “We must leave the safe harbor of the Cosmic Force and journey to where the current of the Living Force flows. Sometimes, you must allow the Force to take you where it will.”

They were alone on the dock except one man facing the sea near their boat. Qui-Gon would have taken no notice, but Ben seemed to recognize the figure and pulled his hood over his face before subtly speeding up. 

They almost made it past when the man noticed them.

“General?” The question was soft and unsure, and Qui-Gon began to pause only for Ben to hunch his shoulders and hurry on.

Qui-Gon followed but glanced back, the man’s tight haircut and stance reminded him of a soldier. Had Ben once been part of some form of military?

“General,  _ please _ ,” the man called out following them. “I’m sorry.”

Ben flinched, wavering in his tracks.

The soldier stepped towards them, but Qui-Gon made a split second decision to stand between him and Ben.

Irritation flashed on the soldier’s face, but quickly disappeared as he focused on Ben.

“I didn’t mean to- I couldn’t stop-.” The soldiers voice shook.

“I know,” Ben finally spoke, back still towards them, voice quiet. “It wasn’t your fault, Cody.”

The soldier, Cody’s, chin wobbled, “Sir, I ordered—”

“You had no choice,” Ben half turned, even beneath the darkness of the cloak he looked transparent, “None of you did.”

Cody’s jaw tightened, but his eyes betrayed him, worry and fear mixed there.

Ben reached past Qui-gon to lightly clasp Cody’s arm. “It’s time you stop blaming yourself— you deserve happiness. You all do.” 

Cody shook his head slightly, self-recrimination clear.

“That’s an order, Commander,” Ben said firmly, far stronger than he looked.

“Yes, Sir.” Cody instantly, eyes bright and tight. “And you, Sir? What’s happening to you?”

Ben’s head bowed, “There are some things we can’t control,” he gently squeezed Cody’s hand before pulled away, “I’m glad I could see you before we left, Cody. Take care of the others.”

“Sir, yes, Sir.” Cody saluted Ben sharply as the man turned and walked away.

Before Qui-Gon could follow him, Cody stopped him. “I don’t know what is happening, but take care of him. You understand me?”

Qui-Gon stared back. “I will.”

“You better,” Cody growled as Qui-Gon turned and followed Ben who was unmooring the boat.

“Climb in, we have a long way to go before sunrise,” Ben spoke quickly, his voice strained.

Ben’s hands were shaking as he unfurled the red sail, which opened wide despite the lack of breeze. The boat swiftly moved away from the dock. 

Cody stood at the water’s edge and watched as they left. It could have been a trick of the light but he could almost see the shadow of dozens, no—hundreds—of men surrounding the soldier, fading as the distance grew.

Qui-Gon waited until the men and the dock were out of sight before he spoke, “How did you know him?”

A choked sound came from Ben, his hood hiding his face. 

“Ben?”

Ben didn’t answer, instead focusing on the steering rod in his hands.

“I won’t ask about your past if you don’t want me to,” Qui-Gon said softly, still unable to see Ben beneath the cloak.

“I’m sorry… I—” Ben’s voice broke.

“You don’t have to apologize, it isn’t my right to push. Are you alright?” Ben was clearly shaken, self-conscious of his past. Still, Qui-Gon couldn’t help but wonder how Cody had betrayed Ben.

“I assure you, only my pride is harmed,” Ben dryly joked despite his clear discomfort.

Qui-Gon huffed, “Is that all?”

Ben sighed and wrapped his cloak more tightly around himself.

“I’m afraid I’m a bit of a fool.”

“I suppose that makes two of us, then. As they say ‘Who’s the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?”

Ben finally glanced up, amusement in his eyes, his composure gradually returning.

They sailed in silence, the stars bright against the darkness of the ocean.

Eventually, Ben spoke, “You should rest while you can.”

“There is sleep in the afterlife?” Qui-Gon asked, surprised.

A wistful look flickered across Ben’s face, “For most.” 

Qui-Gon settled against the helm and listened to the sound of waves against the side of the boat before, at last, allowing himself to drift into sleep.

  
  


* * *

  
  


There was fire. Surrounding him, drowning him. Through the flames Qui-Gon saw him. 

_ Obi-Wan! _

Qui-Gon hadn’t needed Ben after all, his first intuition had been correct—all he needed to do was dream! He ran to Obi-Wan through the flames, unafraid of the heat.

“Obi-Wan!” He reached out to pull his Padawan into a tight embrace—anything to erase the blank look from Obi-Wan’s face.

His hands slid through Obi-Wan without even a flicker on the other man’s face.

Qui-Gon shuddered, taking several steps so the flames were directly at his back. What was his student looking at—no, what were they  _ all _ looking at. Anakin, Yoda, Mace, the Queen of Naboo, why…

Qui-Gon had always hated funerals. He had never thought he’d have to attend his own.

This wasn’t a dream at all, but a nightmare.

Qui-Gon turned back, trying desperately to get Obi-Wan’s, or even Anakin’s attention once again. Surely they would feel something in the Force? If Anakin was the Chosen One, then he would be especially connected to the Force. But the boy only seemed scared and alone as he stared into Qui-Gon’s pyre.

If Anakin couldn’t sense him, then perhaps Yoda would be able to, with his vast experience and training in the force.

Qui-Gon approached his grandmaster slowly, he needed to remain calm if he were to succeed.  But just like all the others, Qui-Gon’s hand went through Yoda as though he were a ghost. Distressed but still determined, he pulled back enough that it felt like the facsimile of touch.

“Master Yoda, can you hear me?”

Nothing. He tried again. If Qui-Gon couldn’t get through to Yoda then there was no hope.

There was always hope, Qui-Gon reminded himself.

There had to be.

Qui-Gon reached out, feeling within the Force for his grandmaster’s presence, only to pull back in horror.

Yoda wasn’t really there. None of them were.

Or maybe Qui-Gon wasn’t.

Qui-Gon watched his funeral as Obi-Wan turned to Anakin and told him that he would be allowed to train him. As Yoda and Mace quietly discussed the return of the Sith, and what it might mean. As the pyre gradually began to dim, the attendants walked away leaving only Obi-Wan and Anakin behind.

Was this the life he had once been a part of, or just a dream?

Qui-Gon shuddered. He wanted to wake up.

 

* * *

 

Qui-Gon sat up with a gasp. The calm waters had turned into choppy waves during his sleep. In the distance, a storm grew on the horizon.

“Are you alright?” Ben asked. His hood was pulled down and his hair blowing in the wind.

“I saw him. I saw Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon cried out, “But I wasn’t really there. Was it real?”

Ben’s brows furrowed, “Dreams within the Cosmic Force can show the dead a memory of the living. Moments when we were welcome, but can no longer touch. What did you…”

“I saw my funeral,” Qui-Gon growled out, wrapping himself in his cloak, the first patters of rain beginning to hit their boat.

“Ah,” Ben replied, looking towards the storm, “So a nightmare.”

Qui-Gon closed his eyes, “Yes.” He could still see the fire, the look in Obi-Wan’s eyes. At least his Padawan had been able to keep his promise. He would find a purpose in training Anakin, and Anakin would grow strong in his hands.

The boat rocked harshly as a large wave hit it, splashing water into the hull. Qui-Gon had to hold on tight as another hit immediately after.

“What is this storm?” He yelled to be heard through the wind that was now pelting rain.

Ben looked younger than ever as he stood against the storm and tied down the mast. “The Living Force is in constant turmoil, the forces of light and dark battling in an eternal cycle. We must face the dangers of the sea to make it to the other side!” Ben called back.

“What’s on the other side?!” Qui-Gon’s question was drowned out by another wave. Above them lightning cracked through the sky, the thunder quaking through Qui-Gon’s bones. The small boat began to flood in earnest.

“We’re not going to make it!” Qui-Gon called.

Ben tilted his head in answer, still looking into the heart of the storm. What would happen if they capsized? Qui-Gon imagined sinking endlessly through the watery depths, darkness only growing deeper and deeper.

“Qui-Gon.” Ben had moved past the mast to grab hold of Qui-Gon’s hand that was clenched tightly to the side of the boat. “Remember.”

The next wave capsized the boat, sending them both head first into the ice-cold water. Qui-Gon swam for the surface, but couldn’t tell which way was which. He couldn’t breathe—

Strong hands grabbed him from behind and pulled him up. They broke the surface as lightning cracked across the sky. 

“Focus, Qui-Gon,” Ben murmured into his ear. “Fear in the sea is much stronger than elsewhere. You  _ must  _ focus.”

Was he part of the storm? Grief tore through Qui-Gon. Death had torn him from life and even if he found a way back, it would never be the same. He had lost a future that he never allowed himself to even hope for. 

Another wave pushed them under, seconds of darkness before the feeling of pelting rain reminded Qui-Gon to gasp for air.

 “You must lose everything to gain what you wish for,” Ben said softly, still holding Qui-Gon tight, voice clear despite the crash of the storm around them. “Is it worth it?”

_ Obi-Wan’s smile as he tried to make Qui-Gon laugh. _

_ The tears in his eyes as Qui-Gon touched his cheek for the last time. _

“Yes,” Qui-Gon gasped out as another wave buoyed them up. No, not a wave at all. Beneath them, rough rock pushed them up. A living thing.

“Hold on,” Ben his voice strangely full with delight.

“I don’t think I like this.”

A laugh was breathed into his hair. “Live in the moment, Qui-Gon.” 

The ground beneath them began to sink, just as lightning lit up the sky, showing for the first time that the ground beneath them was not rock at all, but the shell of a massive creature. 

Qui-Gon didn’t have a chance to shout before they were plunged under the waves. Behind him, Ben held on tightly as they descended through the water. Darkness ascended. He could feel nothing but Ben’s arms around him, the shell beneath his hands, and— _ and the song of the Force, ringing through the sea.  _

Qui-Gon opened his eyes which he hadn’t even realized he had clenched shut and saw, for the first time, that the depths of the sea were not dark at all. All around them, glowing creatures swirled and danced, fluid as the water around them, singing as they swam alongside the massive sea turtle. 

Qui-Gon’s lungs constricted, tight with more than just air. For the first time since his death he knew he was in the right place. Ben’s arm around him was warm, despite the cold of the water. 

One of the creatures swam close. Undeterred by the speed they were traveling, Ben let go, reaching out. A haunting melody rang through the water as the creature dipped down, allowing the touch before spiraling away.

Ben rewrapped his arm around Qui-Gon as the turtle began to rise once more. Darkness returning for just moments before they breached the surface. The storm had broken at the surface and the light of sunrise chased the storm clouds into swirls of rose broken by soft yellow. Qui-Gon breathed in the crisp air, letting himself enjoy the moment for what it was.

Ben’s head ducked down, tucked against Qui-Gon’s back.

“Ben?”

“Just a little too bright,” Ben reassured, the arms around Qui-Gon losing strength.

“We can go back under—” worry making him reach out within the force to the enormous turtle trying to communicate what they needed.

“It’s alright, we’re almost there.” Ben’s will within the Force superseded Qui-Gon’s, and instead of diving down, the creature turned to its side, unceremoniously dumping and separating them in the water.

“Ben!” Qui-Gon cried out as he broke the surface again.

“I’m here,” Ben answered, voice calm.

Qui-Gon spun in the water to see Ben swimming near him. His hood had come off during their dive in the water, letting Qui-Gon see for the first time the handsome face of a much younger man. A younger man that made Qui-Gon’s heart ache with familiarity. But it wasn’t possible.

Despite being almost completely solid now, Ben’s eyes were tight with pain. After being in shadow for so long, it would take him time to feel at peace in the light. Qui-Gon would wait. He always would.

He quickly swam close and pulled the soaked hood of Ben’s cloak over his head. Ben yelped, clearly not expecting the move.

“I’m not sure that was necessary, Qui-Gon,” Ben said dryly. His hair dripping from the additional layer of soaked clothing.

“That’s disputable,” Qui-Gon said with a smile while he glanced around them. “I hope you were right about it not being far—I don’t mind a good swim but preferably not in my robes.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed and Qui-Gon wasn’t surprised when a splash hit him in the face. He sputtered but managed to catch the fond smile on Ben’s face before the man lurched away.

“Come on then!” Ben called behind him.

Qui-Gon launched forward, doing his best to catch up. Jedi did not seek revenge after all, but they certainly did teach lessons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for Chapter 2! Every comment means the world to me :) Thanks so much for reading!


	3. For everything you gain, you lose something else.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon and Ben reach Dagobah, one of the purest places in the force. Here, Qui-Gon must face the truth within his deepest fears.

 

Thankfully, Ben was right, they were only minutes from shore and soon began slogging out of the water. Not far from the sandy beach was the shade of mangroves, their large root systems leaving hardly any room to walk. Ben seemed to know the way, however, showing Qui-Gon where to step as the ground became more and more untrustworthy.

Qui-Gon breathed in deep as the sound of the sea faded, the smell of decay and moist earth thick in the air. Despite the gloom of the swamp, light filtered through the branches and scattered against hanging moss and small murky pools. The steady hum of life whispered all around them.

“The Force is is incredibly strong here,” Qui-Gon said quietly. Ben paused, allowing Qui-Gon to move beside him where the mushy ground of the swamp widened.

Ben gestured around them, “Dagobah is strong with the Living and Cosmic Forces which are entwined by the Unifying. It’s one of the purest places in the galaxy.”

“Yes, I can feel it.” Qui-Gon stretched his senses, cherishing the feeling of the balance of the Force, death and life in perfect harmony with one another. 

Then a sharp _coldness_ shot through Qui-Gon, forcing him to take a step back.

Once noticed, the darkness emanating in the distance couldn’t be ignored. It tainted everything around it, and it was  _growing_. 

“What is that?” Qui-Gon murmured softly in horror.

“A corruption—a place where the Darkside of the Force has taken hold,” Ben whispered as lines and wrinkles grew on his face where it once had been smooth. “These are your first steps Qui-Gon. Are you willing to face what you will find there?”

Qui-Gon’s brow furrowed, “This is not the way of the light side of the Force.”

Ben shook his head, “Sometimes to see the light, you must face the darkness.” 

Qui-Gon wearily looked at the old man Ben had become once more, “I used to say that, but I don’t think this is what I had in mind.”

A glimmer of a smile broke on Ben’s face, “Sometimes we don’t know the wisdom of our own words.”

Qui-Gon let out a humorless chuckle, worry churning in his gut. “I suppose.” He took a step forward before realizing Ben was not following.

“I’m afraid you must face this alone, Qui-Gon. As we all must.”

Qui-Gon hesitated leaving his companion behind, he couldn’t lose him, not now. Ben looked almost completely solid in the dim light of the swamp, but there was no certainty it would remain so.

“You'll be here when I come back?”

Ben nodded, “I’ll wait for you.”

Qui-Gon studied him, emotion thick in his throat, but Ben simply waited for him to decide for himself. Sighing, Qui-Gon stepped forward, mist growing thicker and blotting out the sun, until the air itself became foul and he caught sight of a huge black tree that reeked of death. It stood alone on an island, completely surrounded by murky stagnant water. The naked branches stretched forth, looming over the barren, lifeless ground.

Qui-Gon cautiously approached, following a stone path that led to the island. Getting closer, he saw a thick, dark scar, a deep crevice born of a lightning strike that had cracked the tree open through its heart and deep into the earth. Corruption oozed from the mouth of the cave, the source of the pervading darkness.

Qui-Gon shuddered as the cold seeped through his robes, the chill bone-deep and growing as he reached the island and began the steep descent down. The feeling of growth and life gradually faded until it was completely gone, leaving him feeling colder and more alone than he ever thought possible. The taint of darkness had seeped into the soil itself, choking off any life that attempted to take root. 

Around him, the mist and shadows seemed to take on a life of their own, growing amongst the tangle of roots and rock until they moved in the very air. Qui-Gon shielded his face with his arms and continued fighting his way forward, pushing, until the darkness finally broke and he saw a figure, no a child, facing away from him.

“Anakin?” Qui-Gon asked, startled. Surely the boy had not become one with the Force yet. 

Anakin was unresponsive, staring down at something in front of him.

Qui-Gon moved forward, tugging the boy’s shoulder, turning Anakin to face him, only to jerk away in horror.

The boy’s eyes were yellow fire, but it was the blood dripping off his hands that repelled Qui-Gon. “Anakin? Anakin, what happened?!” 

A slow smile spread on the child’s face. “Master Qui-Gon! I did it! I brought balance to the Force!”  The child’s light and airy voice sent dread through Qui-Gon’s heart.

“Anakin, what did you  _do_?!” He shook the child. He had left the boy in Obi-Wan’s care, one of the only Jedi he trusted to be able to love and care for a child with such a haunted past and daunting future.

“I’ve brought peace,” Anakin smiled brightly at Qui-Gon. “I had to.” The smile faded as the boy looked to his feet. “He betrayed me.”

Qui-Gon followed Anakin’s gaze to what the boy had been looking at all along.

A broken cry escaped Qui-Gon as he fell to his knees, gathering his padawan into his arms. 

“Obi-Wan! Oh Force...” Blood was everywhere. Qui-Gon couldn’t see where it was coming from, couldn’t stop it as even more coated their robes.

“Qui-Gon…” He could barely hear Obi-Wan’s whisper as his Padawan tried to speak through blood coated lips. “I’m sorry.” A tear ran down Obi-Wan’s cheek.

“No, no— Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon held Obi-Wan’s head to his own, rocking them back and forth. 

“I failed you.” Obi-Wan choked out.

“No!” Qui-Gon pulled back looking into Obi-Wan’s eyes. “You could never-”

“I failed everyone.” Obi-Wan’s tears cut through blood crusted skin. 

Around them, the shadows were replaced with fire, and with horror, Qui-Gon realized that they were surrounded by countless bodies. Jedi. The Temple was burning, but within, all the Jedi were already dead.

“NO!” Qui-Gon screamed while the darkness churned and suddenly, Qui-Gon’s arms were devastatingly empty.

Qui-Gon remained frozen within the darkness of the cave, sick with dread. It was just a vision. A vision from the heart of darkness at that. He stumbled to his feet and step by step escaped the cave.

He fell to his knees when he saw Ben waiting for him. “What—  what was that?”

The old man slowly knelt next to him, “In the darkness, we see the truth that we don’t  _want_ to see, our worst fears come to life.”

“It cannot be...” Qui-Gon prayed that it wasn’t, he clung onto his friend’s robes, hoping for reassurance. “Anakin—  Anakin killed Obi-Wan.”

The old man’s eyes searched his own, “In a way, yes.”

Qui-Gon’s breath was stolen away. “No! Why would he? He’s just a child...”

Ben’s eyes cleared with understanding, “How things appear here are entirely not what they were. Anakin became a Jedi Knight, and then a Sith, long before he killed his former Master.”

Qui-Gon struggled to his feet casting away the old man’s hands. “A  _Sith_! He must be stopped, I thought that he would— but I’m a fool! There’s still time. If you help me, we can warn them.”

Ben man remained on his knees, looking up at him helplessly. “Qui-Gon… time is relative only to the living. Once we are part of the Cosmic Force, we are separate from the living. What we speak of has already happened.”

Qui-Gon shook his head, “No! No, you can’t be saying that the future is written in stone. I have to help Obi-Wan!”

“And you will.” The old man painfully rose to his feet. “But the living are the only ones who can change the future, not the dead.”

“Then what’s the  _point_?!” Qui-Gon shouted and spread his arms at all of it. “Why go back to the realm of the living if you can’t protect them?”

The old man held his hands open, “You have seen the darkness, you know how it spreads. We are all the stands between it and the desolation of the galaxy. Sometimes hope is all that is left.”

“And  _we_ are the galaxy’s last hope?” Qui-Gon said scornfully.

Hurt flared in Ben’s eyes, “We cannot save them, but we can help them save themselves,” he whispered but beneath it there was true strength.

“Can I help Obi-Wan  _not_ die at Anakin’s hands?” Qui-Gon asked pointedly.

Ben raised his arms out helplessly, “That was his choice, Qui-Gon, not yours.”

No. Obi-Wan should have had a long life ahead of him. He should have happiness. Ben acted like it was already all said and done. “What do you know?  _I_ don’t even know who you are.” Qui-Gon growled, not wanting to accept what Ben said any longer.

“Qui-Gon…” The old man began, pailing as he reached to grab Qui-Gon’s arm.

“No! Leave me be.” Qui-Gon turned away, walking into the thickening mist. He was a fool who couldn’t face the truth. Ben had told him that the way of the Whills wasn’t what Qui-Gon had thought, but it was so much worse than he could have imagined.

“Qui-Gon, please— ” Distress resonated in Ben’s fading words.

Rain began to patter down all around him and, with every step he took, the Living Force faded, taking Qui-Gon away from the rotting darkness.

_"Don’t leave me.”_

It was too late.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Qui-Gon had to mess up at some point. Unfortunately both he and Ben have to pay the consequences of it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> The journey begins! In defense of Qui-Gon, it's not entirely his fault that he can't recognize Obi-Wan. Interactions are a two way street in the Afterlife :) Thanks for reading, any comments or feedback are greatly appreciated!


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